HOW COULD A PARENT PROVOKE A CHILD TO ANGER

Colossians 3:21

I. By Neglecting or Ignoring Them

A. No one would consider that you loved them if you didn't spend time with them (quality & quantity).

1 .Example: Eli ignored his son's evil of fornication and stealing. They only became worse (1 Sam. 2:12-30).

2. David neglected his son and wouldn't see him for two years. His son later rebelled against his father (2 Sam. 14:28,29).

II. By Abusing Them Physically

Example: punching, kicking, slapping, throwing, shaking, shoving, and beating.

A. All correcting should come from love not anger in our hearts. Anger will always lead us to over correcting (Prov. 3:12).

B. "Beat with the rod..." The Hebrew word means to lightly strike with a rod; in no way does it mean to abuse them (Prov. 23:13) (1 Thess 5:15).

III. By Abusing Them Psychologically

Examples: By using such words as - clumsy, no good, stupid, sloppy, dummy, etc.. by your actions, expressions or tone of voice.

A. (Eph. 4:29) (Prov. 15:1) (Prov. 16:21,23,24) (Col. 4:6)

IV. By Constantly Finding Fault with Them

A. "How come you always", or "you missed again", or "you didn't do it again, or "you never remember to".

B. The problem is we forget to see that we have faults too (Matt. 7:12). To encourage is a great gift to any heart (Heb. 3:13). See: (Prov. 11:9) (Prov. 12:18).

V. By Refusing to Listen to Them

A. We send off "busy signals" or we don't allow their input, discussion, explanations, or questions. This only frustrates them and one day they will probably act the same way to you when you want to be heard.
See: (Prov. 18:13,15) (James 1:19).

VI. By Being too Permissive

A. We become this way when we think, "I want them to make up their own minds", or "I don't want to destroy their creativity", or "I don't want them to be inhibited".

B. Our basic rule should be, "if God restricts or prohibits then I should too". If He doesn't then I should encourage them to obey their conscience.

C. David never corrected his son and he ultimately rebelled against him (1 Kings 1:5,6). See also (Prov. 28:15).

VII. By Being too Harsh

A. This is going to the other extreme of being too permissive. Example: We give 10 swats when they only deserve 3 swats, or we restrict for a month, when they only need restriction for a day or a week or one activity.

B. Some Biblical examples:

1. David punished his son by not seeing him for two years.

2. In church discipline we see the same principle taught (2 Cor. 2:6-8).

VIII. By Having Changing or Double Standards

A. When it is wrong today and right tomorrow and wrong again next week.

B. When it is right for one child and then the other child is disciplined for the same thing.

C. God says He doesn't change from day to day depending on His mood (Mal. 3:6) (James 1:17) (Matt. 24:35). We must have clear and dependable boundaries for them.

IX. By Constant Marital Conflict and Discord

A. This discourages them & makes them feel very insecure in your continued love for them. Our example definitely influences our children as it does anyone else that we know and have contact with (1 Tim. 4:12) (Rom. 14:7).

B. As they watch us they will "learn our ways" and do as we have done (Prov. 22:24,25).

C. The question is, are we doing unto others as we would have them do unto us? If not ask God's forgiveness and your children's forgiveness. Ask for the power of the Holy Spirit to help you make that change.

This study was written by Pastor Steve Carr, Calvary Chapel, Arroyo Grande, CA. If we can be of any further assistance please contact us at www.calvaryag.org or ccag@calvaryag.org or (805) 481-2320.