PARENTING PRINCIPLES
Parenting Fundamentals
I. What are the Biblical Goals for Parenting?
What are you trying to accomplish in your parenting? Do you have clear goals for what you want to achieve in your children’s lives? Without clearly established objectives, it will be difficult to agree with your spouse concerning any plan of action or what specific steps you should be taking in their lives, especially at a moment of crisis. Thankfully, God has revealed His desires for this important job of parenting and has also explained how to reach these goals by the commands He has given. What are these goals?
A. That your children should set their hope in the Lord and keep His commandments. This fundamental goal is revealed in Psalm 78:7-8. God wants your children to have hearts filled with hope as they walk with Him all the days of their lives.
B. That your children would grow to respect, honor, and fear God. The result of all your teaching and training must be to see them submit their lives to God (Prov. 1:7; Psalm 34:11; Deut. 4:9-10; John 5:23)
C. That your children would become mature disciples of Christ. All believers are called to make disciples. This would especially be true for you as a parent. As you teach your children the Scripture they will mature in their understanding of God and commitment to Him (Matt. 28:19-20; Col. 1:28; Mark 10:13-14; 2 Tim. 1:5).
D. That your children would be submissive and obedient to you as their parents. As your children submit to God's authority and care in their personal lives, this should lead them to also submit to you (Eph. 5:21; Eph. 6:1; 1 Tim. 3:4).
E. That your children should ultimately become self-disciplined. Your goal should be to move from a structured external discipline to an internal self-discipline. When your children make their own decisions to obey God, their conscience, or any authority figure, they are showing the maturity, your ultimate goal (2 Tim. 1:7; 2 Tim. 3:16; 2 Peter 1:5-6).
G. That your children should ultimately be independent in all their personal decisions. Your ultimate goal is to free your children from dependence upon you for constant direction in their lives. You want them to learn how to make intelligent Biblical decisions for themselves (Rom. 14:5; Luke 15:11-13; Prov. 1:1-10).
II. What Should You do to Reach These Goals?
A. Pray for your children continually. Prayer is the primary way you can help them realize all you're teaching them (Psalm 72:15; James 4:2).
B. Provoke your children to love by your loving and understanding attitude. Your loving, fair, and honest relationship with them will only support and strengthen your teaching (Eph. 6:4; Heb. 10:24).
C. Develop a plan to disciple your children in the Word of God. See the plan God had for discipling the kings of Israel and the people of the nation (Eph. 6:4; Deut. 17:18-19; Deut. 31:9-13; Psalm 78:4-6; Deut. 6:5-7)
D. Consistent discipline. Discipline in a consistent manner communicates to your children that there is a consequence for sin. It also motivates them to do what is right (Eph. 6:4; Prov. 19:18; Prov. 13:24). Even though the command is given to fathers to discipline, this in no way prohibits mothers from following this command (Prov. 1:8; 2 Tim. 1:5).
E. Encourage repentance, confession, forgiveness, and restitution when necessary. Training your children in the Biblical method of reconciliation keeps them right with God and others in their life. (James 5:16; Mark 11:25-26; Luke 17:3; Luke 19:8).
F. Consistent praise. Praise is usually lacking in most homes. Without a "well done" from parents, children begin to get an incorrect view of their performance (Psalm 72:15; Matt. 15:28; Matt. 25:21; 1 Cor. 4:5).
G. Be a Godly example. Are you an example of all you are teaching them (2 Tim. 1:5)? You must avoid any double standards in your life (Phil. 4:9). You can’t use the "do as I say, not as I do" line of reproof, because your children are watching what you do more than what you say. They will only consider this action as hypocrisy.
H. Spend time with them. The Bible teaches nothing about "quality" vs. "quantity" of time (Deut. 6:7). It is impossible to fulfill these goals without spending lots of time with your children. This is where your informal teaching and example will rub off on them.
I. You must be growing and maturing just as your children are. Parenting is a growing experience that requires mature and loving decisions from a parent that is listening to the Holy Spirit. However, you can’t give something to your children that you don’t have personally in your own life. Paul declared, "For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received" (1 Cor. 15:3). Each child brings new questions and challenges that will many times push you to your limit of patience and understanding. Therefore, be willing to allow God to transform you into the person you should be, this will enable you to effectively parent. If you will personally seek the Lord with all your heart, He will be found by you, and empower you to fulfill this important task (Matt. 7:7-8).
This study was written by Pastor Steve Carr. If we can be of any further assistance please contact us at www.calvaryag.org or ccag@calvaryag.org or (805) 481-2320.
REVISED 3-2000